


Nicky Undercover

by Rising_Phoenix



Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Case Fic, I repeat THE HAIR, Joe with "the hair", Kinda, M/M, Nicky in drag, Nicky undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26177371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rising_Phoenix/pseuds/Rising_Phoenix
Summary: Marwan's hair in Pak Van Mijn Hart and Luca in drag in L'ultimo terrestre inspired this little fic in which Nicky is going undercover in disguise and Joe decides to have his back.This is dedicated to all admirers of these two actors, and especially to my buddies on Twitter.I love you guys, and I'm so blessed and happy to have you in my life.@chat_paresseux, @CassRaven, @ritzhollywood, @msfcoliver, @oocfia, @DreamieNebula, @MeguKaYaze
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 20
Kudos: 156





	Nicky Undercover

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hanniXwill1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanniXwill1/gifts), [CassieRaven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassieRaven/gifts), [oocfia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oocfia/gifts), [zerozerokyu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zerozerokyu/gifts).



“You can’t be serious,” Nicky said, staring a hole into Andy, then into Nile and finally into Joe, who was wearing the most shit-eating grin he had seen on his husband in a very long time. Probably not since Queen Elizabeth I. chose a poem that Joe had written about the love of his life, to be her favorite and not one of those that Shakespeare had written, of course without the monarch knowing he had written those very passionate and a little scandalous lines about none other than Nicolò, who she intended to marry away to one of her ladies-in-waiting.

“Oh, we’re very serious when it comes to human trafficking and the sale of girls to the highest bidder,” Andy meant, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms as if to provoke Nicky further as if she had not already ruffled his feathers enough with her suggestion that had sounded more like an order. Something that Nicky did not appreciate in the slightest.

He frowned at her, then he looked at Booker, who shrugged and drank from his flask, and then again at Joe, who was still irritating him with looking smug like a cat that had a very large canary for dinner.

“Did you know about this?” He asked him.

Joe pointed with both hands to himself, brows raised.

“Who? Me?” He asked. “I would never keep anything secret from you, my heart. Alone the thought that you accuse me of deceiving you, after all this time...I’m truly wounded...I...”

Nicky squinted at him.

“You did know about this,” he stated flatly, crossing his arms in a similar fashion as Andy was doing clearly annoyed and his eyes still on Joe who was starting to flinch a little under his gaze.

“Nicolò,” he said. “Listen...”

But Nicky raised a hand and made him stop. Joe pressed his lips together and started to glare at Booker who was shaking his head and drank some more, contemplating if he should ask the Frenchman to share his drink with him.

“Why me?” Nicky asked.

“Beard,” Andy said, pointing at Booker, who shrugged. “Beard and not white,” she continued pointing at Joe. “Not white,” she finished pointing at Nile. “That asshole is into white girls, Nicky. Never abducted a girl of color.”

Nicky nodded and looked right into Andy’s eyes.

“Which leaves one more question,” he said. “Why not you, Andromache?”

Andy sighed and opened her mouth to reply to his question, but it was Booker who to everyone’s surprise chimed in: “She’s not immortal anymore. Too much of a risk.”

Nicky looked at Booker and gave a nod.

“Are you doing it, Nicky?” Andy asked. “There are lives at stake. The numbers of the girls he sells are in the hundreds, and that’s only Copley’s estimation.”

“I...I need a moment to think about this,” he said. “I understand that we need to do something, don’t get me wrong, but I need to think for a moment.”

Andy got up and put a hand on his arm after he had gotten up from his armchair himself.

“You will decide for the right thing,” she said, and he knew that she would accept any decision he would make, no matter if he liked it himself, and even if he pretended to step to the window to look out, deep in thought, trying to make a decision, he already knew what his answer would be.

It took a few minutes in which Joe, Andy, and Booker communicated without words, raised brows, sighs, shakes of their head, a language that Nile had not learned yet until Nicky turned back around and again immediately glared at Joe.

“Ti odio,” he said, but Joe could not help but grin at the declaration of hate coming from his husband and gave him a wink.

“No, you don’t,” he replied.

“No, I don’t,” Nicky sighed and then looked at Andy. “I do it. But after this, I get a vacation. At a beach. Somewhere nice.”

“Oh, a vacation sounds nice,” Joe said with a pleased smile.

“I said I want a vacation. That did not include you. You’re in the doghouse for the foreseeable future for keeping this plan from me,” Nicky said and then turned around, and went upstairs without another word, Joe staring after him.

“Does he mean that?” Nile asked Booker who could not help but drink some more.

“Oh, he definitely means that. The last time they had a fight, let’s just say it didn’t go well for us,” he chuckled. “Nicky is a very patient man, and he can go weeks without talking to someone. Joe...not so much.”

“Oh,” Nile made and looked at the former Saracen knight who was still looking at the now cleared stairs with a frown between his brows, considering that he might have made a mistake.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

An hour later, Nicky was sitting in a bathtub, legs pulled against his body and his arms wrapped around them, looking less than pleased. The annoyance was as clearly written onto his handsome face as it was visible on Andy’s face, who was sitting on the edge of the tub, long legs stretched out and trying to talk some sense into Nicky.

“I am not doing that,” Nicky said for the one-hundredth time. “I don’t understand why I need to do that.”

“Because...,” Andy started and took a deep breath.

“Because hairy legs are a pretty huge turn off for guys usually,” Nile finished for her, standing at the end of the bathtub, looking down at Nicky, the awkwardness of being in a bathroom with a naked, a thousand years old man pouting in a bathtub of scented water, long gone.

“Joe likes my legs the way they are,” Nicky meant, pressing his lips together in another pout, and pulling his legs even closer to his body as if he wanted to protect them.

“We are not going to cut your legs off,” Andy said with a very dramatic roll of her eyes. “We only asked you to shave them.”

“I am not going to shave my legs,” Nicky said and Nile had a very clear idea that if he was standing up he would have put a foot down like an angry child.

Andy grabbed the razor from the side-table and held it with a determined gesture into Nicky’s face, mere centimeters from the tip of his nose, making him stare cross-eyed at the despised object.

“I’m not above having Booker hold you down and shave you myself,” Andy growled. “And believe me if you force me to do that it’s not only going to be your legs that end up shaved.”

Nicky glared from the razor back to Andy and then back to the razor and then snatched it out of her fingers with an annoyed huff and an Italian curse that Nile could not make sense of even after Joe and Nicky had started to teach her. Something about cursing Andy’s ancestors or her being the daughter of warthogs. He held the razor, some girly white and green thing that looked like you could fly to the moon with it – whatever happened to straight razors and just sharp blades as they had used in the past? – like a sword, the handle in his fist, and as far away from him as possible.

“I don’t like this,” he murmured. “How do I do this?”

Andy and Nile both sighed, partly in relief, partly in amusement, which made Nicky frown only deeper.

“Stand up,” Andy said, and Nicky raised both his brows as high as his hairline.

“I’m NOT standing up,” he said, spluttering a little. “I’m naked!”

“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” Andy meant. “Now, get up.”

Nicky knit his brows together until they turned into one line and then complied with a sigh. Automatically, Nile averted her eyes wanting to give him a little privacy, and so she did not notice how Nicky and Andy both looked at her, silently staring before they looked back at each other, both with a little shrug. Nicky had one hand covering his private parts, looking inpatient at Andy.

“Now put one foot at the edge of the tub,” she said and Nicky complied, immediately putting tension onto his calf, his muscles defined and smooth. “Nice legs you got there,” she chuckled and put some shaving foam from a can onto her hands, then put the foam onto Nicky’s leg. “And now shave against the growth, just like you’d shave a beard.”

Nicky took a deep breath and then started to shave line after line of his hairy legs until the shaving foam was gone and Andy rinsed the remains off with some clear water.

“Looks good,” she said. “Nile, how long is the skirt?”

“Uhm,” Nile answered, now again watching the exchange between Andy and Nicky. “Mid-thigh, maybe?”

“Okay,” Andy said and Nicky did not like the grin she was sporting. “You gotta shave higher or your ape thighs will give you away.”

Again, Nicky let out a flow of curses and Nile made out words that meant things she would never have expected from a man who had once been a priest, let alone someone who usually had a very mellow temper and seemed to be the calming influence of their group. But not today. Today, Nicky was upset, angry, and annoyed with his friends, and Nile had a very clear idea that she today learned that she should never get into Nicky’s way.

Nicky held his hand open and took the shaving foam from Andy, putting it onto the rest of his leg, and finished shaving his leg before he repeated it with the other leg. Standing there then, looking a little lost, in the bathtub, he again looked at Andy.

“Satisfied?”

Andy did not even try to hide that she was inspecting what she saw downwards from Nicky’s waist, one brow raised and a smile on her lips.

“Andy!” Nicky yelled at her. “Is this okay?”

“Huh?” Andy made and looked up at his face again. “Yeah, it’s okay like this. Don’t forget to shave your face too. We’ll wait in the bedroom until you’re ready for the rest.”

Nicky sat back down in the bathtub with the slowly getting colder water, again pulling his legs up against himself, watching how Andy and Nile left him finally on his own, already knowing that he would not like what else they had in store for him.

Washing his hair and shaving his face as smooth as possible, he wrapped himself into a bathrobe and then went to the bedroom he and Joe had shared last night, and where now Andy was waiting for him, in conversation with Nile, who both looked up at him when he came in. He noticed a clothing bag hanging at the wardrobe door and a box with utensils on the bed where Andy was sitting. She clapped her hand onto the mattress, prompting him to sit down with her.

“So, what is my cover story?” Nicky asked, his accent a little thicker than usual, showing that he was not okay with what was happening and was also nervous.

“We set up a fake profile on the dating site he frequents, no picture but a description. You’re looking for a man to take care of you, someone who is strong and makes you feel valued.”

Nicky nodded.

“Doesn’t everyone want that?” He asked.

“You have Joe,” Nile meant.

“And Joe is all that. And more,” Nicky said. “So I allow him to drug me and take me to his supervillain cave and then you guys start a rescue mission?”

Andy nodded.

“As soon as we have your location we’re there to get you out,” she said. “Not even with Copley’s intel we were able to locate his operation center. He will have files there, probably electronically, on where he has his...warehouse.”

Nicky pressed his lips together, his eyes shifting a little.

“I don’t like this job,” he said. “I know we have no other chance, but I still don’t like it.”

“You’re going to be stunning,” Andy chuckled.

“I...,” Nicky started to oppose and then shut his mouth for a moment. “I meant more that I don’t like undercover missions in general, they are...can’t we just go in and shoot the man?”

“And not find out where he holds the girls and women he has already abducted?”

“Yes,” Nicky said immediately. “You’re right.” He sighed. “What next?”

“Next, we doll you up,” Andy said and opened the box that was standing on the bed and poured out several makeup utensils onto the blanket.

Nicky sighed.

He hated them all.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Joe and Booker were going over the plan for the rescue mission they would start later this night when Nicky had given himself over into the hands of one of the most despicable men Joe had ever known of. Not only was he selling girls and women of every age, but only of white skin color, away, he was not above raping and mutilating his victims himself, probably to sample the goods. There had not been a single victim so far that could have been rescued from his hands, not a single trace of his syndicate and nothing that could make him targeted by the authorities. They had no chance but to take him out themselves and try to find at the same time every hint they could get their hands on to save those who were still in his hands.

Joe sighed and put the folder down, rubbing a hand over his face.

“If he hadn’t still victims in his hands, I would take much pleasure to gut him. Slowly,” he said. “What he did to that girl...”

Joe swallowed and saw how Booker’s eyes only shortly flicked up to him and then the Frenchman gave him a short nod.

“Get in line,” he replied. “I met him last week when Nile and I started to establish our cover in the restaurant he goes to a lot, and let me tell you, that man is smooth. Not in a slimy way. He’s charming and intriguing, you can see why he gets the girls to trust him so fast. I’d like to cut off his balls and feed them to him.”

Joe chuckled, but there was no humor in him. He knew that Nicky would be saved. He would be outside with Andy in the van, waiting and observing, Booker and Nile would both be working in the restaurant close enough to Nicky to intervene if necessary. Not that Nicky would need help. He knew his husband long enough, better than anyone, to know that he would be able to take care of himself and free himself if he had to. And still, there was something about him being separated from Nicky during a job when they usually fought side by side, that bothered him.

“Holy fuck,” Booker whispered, and Joe turned to follow his friend’s eyes that were directed to the stairs, and his own dark eyes widened immediately at the sight that was showing itself to him.

The woman coming down the stairs with confident and graceful movements was breathtaking, the legs long and smooth, ending in high heels and barely covered by a short skirt. She was not conventionally pretty with a nose that was a little too large for her delicate face and a strong jawline, but Joe would go to hell if he did not think she was as beautiful as the man who was hiding in her skin.

He got to his feet and made a few steps towards Nicky, who pulled the red lips into a frown.

“I look ridiculous,” Nicky said, pulling a strand of hair from the wig with the long straight hair behind an ear.

“You don’t,” Joe said. “You’re as beautiful as you’ve always been.”

Nicky looked into his eyes, and Joe could clearly see that Nicky was still angry with him.

“I still hate you,” Nicky said. “I really, really do.”

Joe smiled softly.

“You don’t,” he whispered and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Oh God, don’t tell me you’re turned on by your boyfriend in drag,” Booker said behind him.

Joe closed his eyes, counting to ten, begging every God he was aware of for patience before he turned around and shot daggers from his eyes at their friend who immediately raised both hands in a defensive gesture.

“Just saying!” Booker laughed. “No, really, Nicky, you look great.”

“I hate you too,” Nicky said, pointing a finger at Booker and then looked back at Joe. “Do you think he will buy it?”

“That you are a single lady looking for a man in her life?” Joe asked and Nicky nodded. “He will. And you will take his breath away.”

Nicky groaned and shifted from one uncomfortable high-heeled foot to the other.

“I don’t want him to fall in love with me,” he meant and then turned to Andy who was behind him. “I’m ready, let’s go.”

Andy handed him the keys to the rental car that was ready for him and then brought him outside where he left within seconds.

When she returned back in, she found Joe alone in the room, Booker and Nile probably both getting to leave themselves and saw how Joe was furrowing his brows in thought.

“What is wrong?” She asked. “You know he’s going to be great.”

“I know.”

“Then, what is wrong?”

“Somehow I feel like I just sent Little Red Riding Hood out for a date with the Big Bad Wolf,” he said, voice barely more than a whisper. After more seconds in thought, he looked up. “Andy, help me.”

Andy tilted the head a little to the side.

“Help you with what exactly?” She asked.

“If Little Red Riding Hood meets the Wolf, I need the hunter to come to her rescue.”

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Nicky hated his life.

He absolutely and without any doubt, hated his life.

The pumps that Andy had forced his feet into hurt and he asked seriously why women chose to wear these things at all. He would prefer his boots and sneakers in any case, and he was glad that Andy and Nile obviously were not a victim to conventions and wore more comfortable and practical clothes.

Also, the skirt that was already too short for his liking, slipped even more up when he had taken his seat in the nice restaurant opposite a man that, like Booker had told them before, was a charming bastard and knew of the effect he had on the women he “dated”. He paid attention to detail, complimented those little things women would feel insecure about, made them feel appreciated and cherished and Nicky could see how he got to have success in his dirty business. He told Nicky – Nicoletta now - that he was charmed by his/her Italian accent and her beautiful eyes, that he knew the moment they had met in person just a little while ago, that she was someone special and that he had waited all his life to meet her. Nicky knew it all was a cruel lie, and he did not want to imagine the damage lies like this could already do to a woman who would be later abused, but knowing what this man was doing, it made his blood run cold.

“Tell me, Nicoletta,” the man said. “You told me in your emails you are working in a gallery?”

Nicky smiled charmingly and nodded, taking some more of the wine that Nile, who was posing as their waitress had exchanged with grape juice for him.

“Yes,” he answered. “It is a work I very much enjoy. I get to meet so many interesting people.”

The small talk about Nicky’s job was shallow, like everything the other man did was shallow. He was not interested in what his opposite had to say, was only interested in faking something that made them feel comfortable with him. Something that would never happen to Nicky. He only wanted to get out of the clothes and the wig, wash the itching makeup off his face and take a long shower before he could curl up in bed with Joe, because – who was he kidding? – of course, he would not be able to hold a grudge against Joe for longer than a minute, and he already missed the man who was his constant shadow like he was his.

He did not even listen to what the man had to say, smiled only gently and nodded now and then, already knowing that he would put a drug into his drink the moment he would excuse himself for the bathroom. Nicky did not look forward to pass out, and he hoped that he would not start undressing him and get an unexpected surprise before he had brought him to the “warehouse”. If he would be following his usual modus operandi, he would not, and Nicky would be safe until his team would get him.

When a hand touched his leg, he froze and looked down. All instincts screamed at him to get up and ram a fork into the man’s hand and then carve his eyes out with a rusty spoon, but instead, Nicky smiled and even moved his leg so the man’s hand could touch him even more. The short shower he had planned on taking later tonight just had turned into a very long hot shower to get the filthy feeling off his skin. Everything about the handsome man disgusted him, from his perfectly groomed hair to the manicured hands, to the perfectly bleached teeth. He had nothing on the man he loved with all his heart. Nothing.

Food was served and Nicky made a big deal out of eating as gracefully as he could manage, with closed lips and eyes always on the man on the other side of the table.

Suddenly, the man was huffing and rolling his eyes after Nicky had been again shifting his attention from him for a moment, bored by the shallowness of his words and used to the poetic words Joe had often for him when they shared an intimate dinner, and Nicky feared for a moment that he had seen past his disguise, but no, the man was looking at another table behind him.

“I wonder what a woman like that sees in a man like...that,” the man meant, an arrogant chuckle on the lips.

Nicky raised a brow and turned to look over his shoulder. And froze.

The woman at the table the man was talking about was indeed a goddess, with shining, short black hair and wearing a black dress that showed off her shoulders and perfect neck, uniquely beautiful and breathtaking as only a woman could be that had the experience of a lifetime and many more.

The man sitting with here though, he looked like the impersonation of a nerd. With a beige ill-fitted suit and turtleneck, wearing glasses on a face that was more handsome than it appeared on the first view. He smiled, showing deep dimples in his cheeks on a tanned and smooth face.

Nicky blinked.

Blinked again.

Impossible.

The man sitting there, laughing at something the beautiful woman had said, had a mop of hair that was standing into every direction, looking like a fluffy cloud of brown cotton balls, like he had really curly hair and had taken a brush to it until it appeared frizzy and not even in the slightest attractive.

Nicky thought for a moment his heart would stop.

He had only seen this hair once in his life looking like that and that was more than nine hundred years ago after he had insisted that Yusuf brushed out his curls after a bath and he looked like this afterward. They had laughed together at it, and Yusuf had sworn to him to never ever do that again.

Nicky had not realized he was staring, but then the man at the other table turned a little and looked right into his own green eyes, winked at him and smiled before he went to look again at the woman he had come with, the small eye contact they had made unnoticed by their target.

“What the fuck?” Nicky whispered.

“You were saying?” The man asked.

Nicky turned again to face him, showing a fake but convincing smile.

“Oh, nothing,” Nicky said, the voice again smooth but with a hint of well-played disappointment. “You are right, she is very pretty.”

“Not as pretty as you,” the man said, both of them aware it was a lie. Nicky was an attractive man, but in his female disguise, he was in no way as gorgeous as Andy was, and especially when she was all styled like this, which they rarely got to see.

Nicky though did not show that he was aware of the lie and forced himself to act like he was blushing, with lowered eyelids and a shy smile, that was mostly though meant for the man who was sitting behind his back.

A few minutes later, Nicky got up and excused himself to the bathroom, knowing he had to pass the table that Andy and Joe were sitting at on his way there. He knew that the man would now spike his drink and that within a few minutes after he returned, he would start to feel nauseous and then pass out when the man offered to take him home.

Joe looked up at him when he was close, their eyes making contact for a moment before Nicky went into the ladies’ room and waited there for a moment, counting seconds before he was sure he could leave again and meet his fate.

Only, that his true fate was already waiting for him when he came out of the room.

“What are you doing here?” Nicky hissed when he found Joe standing in the hallway in front of the restroom doors.

“I was worried for you, habibi,” Joe whispered.

“And why are you looking like this?”

Joe shrugged.

“I followed him for a few days,” he explained, rubbing his baby-smooth chin “I thought he might recognize me with the beard.”

Nicky nodded, unable to take his eyes of that what was supposed to be Joe’s hair. He blinked a few times at the atrocity, withstanding the urge to touch it to see if it was as fluffy as it looked like.

“I have to get back,” Nicky said and Joe nodded, watching his partner walk away with surprisingly steady steps considering the height of his heels.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

The job had gone smoother than any of them had expected.

Yes, Nicky had been drugged, and yes, he had taken him to his, as Nile called it, supervillain lair, which they raided only a few minutes later.

Two of the three guards he was employing had been taken out immediately, the third one had tried to run, but Booker had not hesitated to shoot a hole into the back of his head. Joe meanwhile, was searching with desperation for Nicky, and finally found him in a locked room, where he was just waking back up. They only needed a second of eye contact before Nicky was back up at his feet, ditching the heels, and then together they went to hunt for the man they wanted to take out.

Andy, Nile and Booker had freed three women who were waiting there to be sold off, Booker was hacking the files and seemed very pleased with what he found, while the pair of crusader and Saracen searched the rooms, knowing that the man was still somewhere there, somewhere close.

When they finally found him, he begged for his life, offered them money, a lot of money, told them he could make them rich, but Nicky and Joe needed another of their all-telling looks and then Nicky pulled the wig off his head and when they fired their shots at him, they did so only one shot could be heard.

“Take me home,” Nicky then said, eyes on the dead man at their feet, and Joe only nodded.

An hour later, they were back at the safe house they were staying at, knowing already that they would take a plane in a day or two to get them back to their own house in England to take a few days off before Copley sent them into their next adventure.

Nicky was getting out of the uncomfortable clothes and Joe had to chuckle at the padded bra and padded underpants that were faking more feminine curves and in which his genitals were neatly tucked away.

“You are one to laugh,” Nicky meant, stepping out of the underpants, one hand, still equipped with long red fake nails, on his cocked hip. “I hope you will go and wash your hair before we go to bed, I will not sleep in the same bed as...this.”

Joe grinned and got up, stopping right in front of Nicky, who had to look that one inch that separated them up.

“Still angry with me?”

“Yes,” Nicky said. “A little. Not really, no.” He returned his husband’s smile. “I can never be upset with you for long. That hair is still very distracting.”

“As is your makeup, habibi.”

Nicky winced, but Joe, now both hands on Nicky’s hips, pulling him against his body, leaning in to kiss him. Nicky brushed the tip of his nose over the soft skin on Joe’s cheeks on which the first regrowth of stubble was already visible.

“I’ve not seen you clean-shaven in...,” Nicky hesitated. “Have I ever seen you clean-shaven?”

“Mmmmh,” Joe hummed into another kiss. “France, before the Revolution.”

“Ah, yes,” Nicky made and returned the kiss.

“What do you say,” Joe started, blowing soft kisses against Nicky’s neck and ear. “Shower together and then go to bed and see where the night is leading us?”

Nicky looked into those eyes he loved so much, and then up at the hair and groaned.

“Yes, please. Shower. Now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Twitter!  
> https://twitter.com/RisingPhnx1


End file.
